


Perfect Places

by SeekingAGreatPerhaps



Category: Andi Mack (TV), Disney - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crushes, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Melodrama, Slow Burn, They're all the same age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-10-02 22:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17272406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeekingAGreatPerhaps/pseuds/SeekingAGreatPerhaps
Summary: TJ has been avoiding Cyrus ever since the end of Middle school for no apparent reason. With Cyrus left confused and rather pensive, what would happen when TJ stumbles into Cyrus' English class, forcing them to be partners for a project that requires them to go on a road trip to visit all the places that hit close to their hearts? Will it rekindle the two's broken friendship or will it just bring back old memories that haunts their bittersweet past?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my very first fan fiction here and I decided to write about one of my favorite pairings, TJ and Cyrus! Please be aware that English isn't my first language hence the grammatical errors you'd find in this fic. Promise there'll be more Tyrus in the upcoming chapters, this chapter is just to let you all know about where they stand in the beginning of the story, hope you enjoy!

“Cyrus!”

“Cyrus!”

Cyrus could hear his name being shouted several times by a rather familiar voice for the past minute, yet, he couldn’t figure the source of where the calls originate. It’s the first day of high school and the comfort of Jefferson Middle School is long gone as Cyrus tries to recover from the extinction of TJ’s relationship with the Good Hair Crew. He can’t pinpoint an exact date or time when TJ’s and his friendship just ceased to exist, it all happened so slowly, with TJ starting to ignore his calls and using excuses such as basketball practice or house chores as a way to avoid the underdog. The excuses and avoidance would continue to occur causing their once tight-knit friendship to dissipate into a pseudo-friendship, no better than one two polar strangers would share. And so, the remainder of the previous school year involved little to no interactions but filled with occasional awkward waves and clearly-forced smiles from TJ as his glances would always land on Cyrus’ baffled expression. Cyrus, being Cyrus, was not angry, raged or had any emotions associated with hatred at all. The poor CyGuy was just… Confused. 

“Andi! Buffy!” Cyrus called out after he turned around to see the two Good Hair Crew members standing a few feet away from him, their positions suggesting that they are ready to receive a long-awaited hug after a dull summer with Andi taking a much-needed break in New York to get over the infamous Jonah Beck and Buffy attending basketball camp. 

A smile grew on three of their faces, ear to ear, as Cyrus rushed to their open arms, almost tripping on a random ginger’s beat-up Converse in the process.

For several solid seconds, they remained in the same position, Cyrus being engulfed by Andi’s slender frame while Buffy blanketed both of her best friends. 

“I miss you guys so much,” Cyrus mumbled into Andi’s grey “New York” jumper, the softness of it brushing his nose, leaving a tickling sensation. 

Buffy hummed in agreement, realizing how much she missed her two buddies as she leaned more into their embrace.

And for several seconds, Cyrus felt… Nice, comforted. His worries over what he did wrong to make TJ completely dismiss his existence seemed to be transported away into a whole other universe and his mind was free of any forms of anxiety or concerns that would typically rush through his brain. But of course, fifteen seconds wouldn’t last eternally and the odd coolness of the no-longer-crowded hallway of Hamilton High School touched his skin and the warmth and promise of “okay-ness” the hug his friends gave him left like it never was there in the first place.

“So.. Cyrus what did we miss?” Buffy quickly questioned with her signature smirk practically planted on her face at all times – most times. 

Cyrus, having to spend his time at home all summer, used his time very productively and wandered about TJ and his mistake or was it just TJ finally coming to a realization Cyrus has always been lowkey expecting since their very first meeting that Cyrus was not good enough? Because of this, he of course uttered out the very first thing that came on his mind, the only thing that has been up there for the past 2 months and 14 days. 

“TJ is still not returning my cal-”

“Cyrus, no,” As soon as those two bitter syllables left Cyrus’ mouth, Buffy completely ignored whatever’s left of what he had to say and is quick to respond with a firm ‘No’.

“I just want to know if I did anything wrong.. And apologi-”

Once again, the poor boy was quickly cut off by Andi’s hand and a groan that screams annoyance from Driscoll. 

“Look Cy. TJ was a dick, is a dick, and if anything Cyrus, you are too good for him. You didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing.”

“Nothing.” Andi echoed, placing her hand on Cyrus shoulder as some sort of reassurance.

Despite the many persuasions Andi and Buffy had told Cyrus, he still believed that the fault was his, that their salty “separation” was led due to something on his part, not TJ’s. And it doesn’t matter whether Buffy told him that he is “too good” for TJ or TJ doesn’t deserve his presence in his life anyways because it will always feel like those words spilled by his friends were the exact contradiction of his painful reality. In truth, Cyrus will always, always feel inferior to the scary basketball guy and for him, TJ will always be the superior party, a figure whom he should rever. If anything, TJ is the one too good for him, not the other way around. 

With no arguments to rebut his friends, he stood silent, looking down at the dull floor stained with shoe marks, no words managing to escape his lips. Thankfully, he’s saved by the bell as Andi and Buffy quickly said their goodbyes and started heading to each of their classes.

“Bye, lunch?” The two small words that were actually managed to be blurted out by him, with him slightly stretching his neck in hopes of projecting his voice better as to reach them. 

“Yeah,” he could hear them shout back in unison.

Knowing he had to go to his own class, he swiftly turned around and rushed to his English class which he very smartly had found prior to reuniting with the crew. 

The wooden door which seemed to be older than his Granny made a slight creaking sound as he very carefully pushed it open, attempting to not wreck it completely. As soon as it opened, he is met with the sight of two nervous-looking students, feet shaking as one tried to fix her black ray-bans, a few rather good-looking guys flirting with soon-to-be cheerleaders, too invested in their mindless talk to notice Cyrus entering and a few other people who are just… There, there and ordinary, something he could relate to. 

“Take a seat wherever you want,” his teacher said, smiling at Cyrus a very motherly smile. 

Cyrus smiled back as he very carefully made his way to the back of the classroom, trying to avoid stepping on or tripping on someone or something. He slid the metal chair away from the table, scratching its legs onto the pale floors of the class, opposite to the messed up hallways, enabling it to make a sound he never liked. 

He noticed the square-shaped clock hanging on the left side of the back wall, oddly shaped and oddly placed indeed. Although the volume of the chatters surrounding him was starting to grow, the only noise he could focus on was the distinct sound of the clock’s ticking, the long hand 5 minutes away from 12, reading 7:55. To occupy himself, he started opening his zipper and getting out the needed stationeries, trying to pretend he was busy, trying to pretend as if he was unbothered at the fact that he wasn’t receiving any attention. 

More and more people flooded the classroom yet no familiar faces could be seen, he let out a disappointed sigh as the teacher started to introduce herself, sounding happier than she probably is. 

“Good morning students, I’m Ms. Eleanor, but you can call me Nell. Today is your first day of high school. I know some of you might be really excited but most of you dread this very day. Typically, English would involve learning about Shakespeare or Fitzgerald, but this year I want to learn about you.”

Cyrus wished he could focus on his teacher as he should be, but the words didn’t process in his brain, it was not the complexity of the sentences or anything, he was just thinking. Thinking about someone, thinking about a boy he shouldn’t be thinking about, thinking about TJ Kippen. 

The teacher, Ms. Nell, rambled on and on, sounding more poetic than she intended to, taking attendance as Cyrus dozed off, staring at the empty, dull blue void outside of the slightly dusty windows, watching the water droplets slide off the glass so ceremoniously. The remains of the rain at dusk lingers as the sound of the AC blends in. 

Name after name and then, “Cyrus.”

“Cyrus Goodman,” Ms. Nell said with a hint of confusion as she stared at her paper, her pink, wide-rimmed glasses tilting.

“Here,” Cyrus panicked, wide-eyed as he shook of his thoughts and jumped back into reality.

The teacher smiled in return and laughed it off, thank God, he thought. 

“That’s all, I think..”

Cyrus sighed again, knowing this TJ problem has left him as a mess. And before he thought it could get better… The awkward silence of the class was quickly interrupted by the loud crashing of the door, getting pushed very harshly by a rather familiar lean guy, pale hands on his knees, panting and looking like he just ran a long ass marathon. 

“Sorry- I- had to- drop my sister- off at her school,” He mumbled in between breaths.

Cyrus wasn’t paying attention, but the slicked back hair, so neatly combed and that bronze slash blonde color and the jawline, God, that jawline were all to familiar to deny. It was not a minute before Cyrus realized that there’s a reason why the boy was so familiar.

Confusion hits the teacher, as she thought that all her students were present, she held her paper back up to her nose and returned her gaze at the odd boy and back to the paper and…

“TJ Kippen? Please do join us!”


	2. Chapter 2

Cyrus can’t believe it, the very person that seemed to have been thinking of him as the plague is the same person that entered into his English class oh so dramatically just a few moments ago. Without realizing, he could feel warm tears slowly caressing his eyelids, waiting to fall onto his cheeks just like the water droplets he was watching on the window at the start of class. Before anyone could notice though, he took his hand and quickly wiped his eyes and revert his gaze to an empty notebook in front of him. 

It seems like TJ was still standing in front of the smart-board, out of breath after dropping his sister off. Cyrus wasn’t even aware that TJ had a sister in the first place, why did he ever think TJ and him shared something more than ordinary?

“TJ, please take a seat of your choice.”

Cyrus held his breath, wishing that the empty seat next to him wasn’t spotted by TJ, though there’s a very low chance of that as it’s one of the two only seats available. He kept fidgeting with the pink dinosaur eraser he still kept from 6th grade, given to him by his mom on the first day of 6th grade. One of its feet was falling off but Cyrus’ love for dinosaurs prevented him from using any of the abundance of erasers that are still in better shape, sitting on his desk pathetically. 

At first, TJ remained, not immediately walking. Cyrus guessed he was in shock that he is placed in the same class as him, his heart was breaking even more, but it doesn’t matter, he can’t have a breakdown on his first class of his first day of high school, it’ll prove his inferiority further – where he stand on the social ranking, if he’s even on it. 

Cyrus’ eyes were still glued onto his blank notebook, yet, he could tell TJ was moving, his footsteps were starting to grow louder and louder, creaking the floor once or twice. Breath held, eyes now shut, he was praying that TJ’s footsteps would stop so he could be assured that he sat down not-so-near him, that the rest of his school year won’t be a collection of shitty, awkward moments with… Him. 

The annoying sound of the chair scratching the floor returns and..

“Hey, may I sit here?” That once-familiar voice, returning back, bringing up a thousand memories that bit the dust just a few months ago. His voice sounded so flat, like he wasn’t talking to someone he knowingly ignored and maybe not as knowingly ruined. 

Cyrus immediately felt like exploding, wanting to argue as he stared at the still empty chair just a few meters away from them as Betty, their classmate, proceeded to place her backpack on. But instead of acting like he cares and is clearly hurt, he opted for a low hum as a response. 

“Class, as I have said, I wanted to learn more about you. But before that, who else will you be super close with?”

“Seat partners,” Most of the class sighed simultaneously.

“What I want you to do in the following two weeks is fairly simple. With your seat partners, I want you to visit a series of places significant to each of you, take several pictures and simply write why you chose those specific places. There’s no limit or minimal amount of places you have to write about, the main objective of the project is just to allow people to get to know you better through a different way.”

“A more meaningful one too,” Ms. Nell quickly added, sounding really pleased with her project.

Seat partners, seat partners, seat partners. Two words, three syllables.The phrase repeated itself over and over and over again as Cyrus could feel his face dropping, the tears he just wiped building up again, ready to flow and flood the classroom. 

Instinctively raising his hand, attempting to negotiate and improve the circumstances he said, “Are individual projects allowed?” He uttered in a single breath.

Ms. Nell tilted her head in suspicion, but went on, “I’m afraid that removes the objective of the project completely Cyrus. You are supposed to get to know your seat partners before spending the rest of the year with them, now, I know TJ mustn’t be that bad, are you TJ Kippen?” Ms. Nell laughed. 

“Please, I-” Cyrus struggled for words to form a solid excuse before settling for, “These places are personal and- And I can show them to you at the end- Just not anyone else, plea-”

“Cyrus. I’m sorry I’ve been doing this for longer than you have and, and I’d love it if you’d give it a try yeah?” 

Ms. Nell continued on about what her previous students did, how amazing theirs were and whatnot but Cyrus just felt like bursting, shouting, even which is very unlike him to do so and he just feels so scattered.   
1 hour passed by and it didn’t get any better, his breathing exercises were barely working but at least TJ hasn’t made an attempt of conversing with him.

“Class, in these last 15 minutes, you and your partner will start discussing a brief plan of your project and how you will progress further.”

“So..”

Cyrus turned his head, knowing that he has to face TJ sooner or later.

“Should we meet at my house tomorrow?” 

“What?” Cyrus was lost, it felt too liminal. Too unreal. After all this time of silence and now he’s so casual, so TJ.

“Tomorrow? To discuss this…” Making quotation marks with his fingers, “Are you busy or…”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Oh, you’re busy?”

“Yeah- No, I’m not busy. Yeah, I’ll come.”

“Cool.” A smirk tugged at TJ’s lips, a smirk Cyrus used to praise. A TJ Cyrus used to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry if this chapter is kind of dull, promise that there will be more drama. I mean, I am gonna give TJ a girlfriend soon so prepare yourself for some tea *evil laugh*


	3. Chapter 3

“-In addition to that, lastly, the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.” And with that, the hell known as ‘Mr. Matthews’ Science class’ has drawn to a close. 

Briskly, all the students in the class gathered all their belongings and flooded the hallways, elbowing each other on the way out, desperate to reach their designated ‘cliques’. Cyrus sighed as he carelessly threw his heavy textbook into his laptop bag, attempting to not rip the contorted cover page. Today has not been any less shitty than the previous day, it is the day where he has to face the inevitable doom of going to TJ’s house. Throughout the Science class he just exited, he was constantly debating whether or not to make up some excuse – TJ’s good with that – or actually go. Ever since their last interaction, there has been no more than the daily uncomfortable hallway glances, never exchanging actual words or proper expressions. His mind filled with theories to why TJ is still ignoring him, but all lack order and is just so difficult to understand, none of them fitting their circumstances and tendencies. Cyrus doesn’t know why but he is even angrier than he was prior to having an actual conversation with TJ the day before, he was pissed, pissed TJ never acknowledged what he did, pissed that TJ didn’t seem sorry or to care at all. 

He made his way through the sea of sweaty students, suffocating slightly, clutching his bag tight to his side-rib, his mind stuck in some alternate universe where everything was how they used to be and his body stuck in the dim hallways of Hamilton High School. He kept walking, body feeling like it’s going on autopilot, listening to the laughter of the seniors, giving out sharp stares to their younger counterparts and watching faces passed him by, people not apologizing as most accidentally hit his arms or stepped on his feet. 

And as Cyrus strolled, a sudden view caught his eye. That lean athletic body leaning over a red-headed girl Cyrus has never seen before, it seemed like he was laughing at something she said as she continually leaned against her locker, biting her lower lip slightly. Cyrus didn’t know how to feel, he never thought about TJ that way but the pang of immediate jealousy that washed over him shows otherwise… But, before he saw more than what he wants to, he rushed towards the caf where he knew he would be met with the sight of his friends, people who would flip his mood completely. 

“Hey Cy,” Jonah greeted, his white-teeth-teen smile showing as Andi sat next to him, practically drooling over him and unaware of Cyrus’ new presence. 

“Hey…” Cyrus was used to Andi and Jonah’s inconsistency, how they would always go back and forth with each other. Of course, before Andi’s trip to New York after they ‘went on different paths’, he thought that would be the last ever time he would be able to see the handsome face of Jonah Beck as he clearly remembered him heartbreakingly walked out of The Spoon, ringing the bell one last time before Andi shedded to tears. But apparently, that’s not the case… 

“Cyrus!” Andi finally looked at him, looking really ecstatic as Cyrus soon noticed her arms linking with Beck’s. 

Buffy clearly saw the questionable expression on Cyrus’ face before she cleared up the confusion, “Yeah, they’re back together now, you owe me five Cy,” rolling her eyes afterwards. 

“What?” Cyrus sat on one of the cafeteria’s rounded chairs he always found some nostalgia in, choosing to not get any lunch as his appetite have been completely ruined since yesterday’s event… 

Jonah Beck. As best as Cyrus Goodman can remember, Cyrus used to adore those perfectly round eyes, like a pool of honey they would suck him in and the boyish smug Jonah Beck owned so fittingly. He remembered having his heart do somersaults whenever Jonah would make any type of physical contact with him, the littlest thing he does has the power to energize and plant a smile on Cyrus’ face that would last days and upto weeks. At some point in time, Cyrus would find it difficult to withdraw from his stares and thoughts of Jonah Beck but that’s long gone now, something he couldn’t even remember as being real. 

“So Cy, do you wanna join us tonight? We’re going to watch a movie and go to The Spoon, maybe.” Jonah questioned him, the smile still on his face like some sort of mask Cyrus could never figure out. 

“Yes-I mean no- I can’t.”

“Why?” Buffy rapidly interjected, “you have any better plans, better friends?” Cyrus knew Buffy didn’t mean to be mean in the slightest bit, that’s just how she is. Yet, it’s hard to ignore the hint of saltiness in her tone.

Cyrus shook his head, “No, no. Just homework.” Deciding against telling the truth and dealing with Buffy’s guaranteed lecture about how he shouldn’t go. But his decision is set, he needs to rekindle his friendship with TJ or at least know what he did wrong before he goes totally insane. “And look, I’m busy. We’ll go next week okay?”

“Hmm, okay.” Buffy said, not quite believing that Cyrus would reject his only-friends’ offer of hanging out for ‘homework’, especially with the fact that they were just two days into school, how busy can he be?

As Buffy kept looking at Cyrus who’s just staring at the teal caf table, stained with what he assumed to be pasta sauce, trying to analyze what was off with her friend, Andi of course, had better ideas for her and Jonah and soon muttered out desperately, “Well, Jonah and I need to go. See you all.” Dragging Jonah with her like some hormone-filled teenager, he smiled an apologetic smile one last time before leaving with Andi.

“They just made up and now they’re ready to make out.” Buffy stated sarcastically after they were far enough that they were unable to hear them.

“Yeah.”

“Hey Cy, are you okay?” This time, it didn’t sound mean or critical, Buffy was truly concerned. She knew how much the TJ thing took a toll on him even if Cyrus is not one to open up or admit about too many things. 

“Of course, why would you think otherwise?” Laughing a fake giggle to make it all more believable.

“This is about TJ isn’t it?” Buffy really did try not to sound irritated, but a groan escaped her lips anyways. 

“Maybe, maybe not?” Guilt traced his reply.

“What is it Cy? He’s still not answering your calls? Not replying to your texts? Ghosting you? Just forget about him, he- He is-” She struggled for words, she didn’t want to blatantly tell Cyrus that he really was… Annoying, “How do I say this? He is messing you up Cy.”

“Buffy, we are English partners okay? And this forces us to spend time together and it’s a lot and he acted like there’s nothing wrong and I saw him and I don’t-”

“What?” Buffy was stunned, wordlessly, mouth-gapingly, stunned.

“What? Okay you know what, I- I have to go.” Cyrus, although feel like owing Buffy a more elaborate explanation, swiftly fled the scene as he fast-walked his way out of the cafeteria, leaving a baffled Buffy to sit with her spaghetti all alone, one hand raised slightly and eyebrows scrunched as if to say, “What the hell?”

He was now home from school, trying to recollect himself from any of today’s or yesterday’s bullshit. He tried to tell himself that TJ could talk to anyone he wants to, they weren’t even doing anything for God’s sake. Plus, Cyrus is in no place to prevent him from conversing with anyone. Who is he to do so? 

After deciding on wearing a black shirt and some jeans, he headed out after telling his mom he’d be back in an hour or two. With just recently breaking his bike and choosing to not be a burden to his mom, he walked over as TJ’s house was just a few blocks away. He closed his eyes, walking on the concrete pavement, very carefully inhaling the scent of the leaves and feeling the cool subtle wind causing locks of his hair to brush his forehead. He never minded walking, walking to the grocery shop, walking to The Spoon, walking to the park, he sometimes even walked to school and back. He has always liked the peace and solitude that comes with it, how it gives you time to think and reflect. Interestingly, as someone who would think of himself as insecure and just feared the idea of loneliness, he enjoyed certain types of solitude too much and spent most of his days alone if not with Andi or Buffy. 

Every step he took on the way to TJ’s is filled with hesitance, why is he doing this? He asked himself, TJ has treated him like absolute crap for the past few months and here he is, spending his time and effort for him – like he used to – when he knows he can easily not come. It’s a toxic tendency of his that he can’t seem to terminate from his life. He is always just.. Too kind, over-considerate and all in all, has too much of a heart. 

After endless thoughts cycled themselves in his head, before he knew it, he was knocking on TJ’s mahogany door, the number twenty four, placed onto it painted in gold. No response. He knocked again with more strength this time, “TJ?” Cyrus called out. Then, he pushed the doorbell once. Twice. 

“Wait, wait,” He could hear TJ shout back from inside the house as Cyrus fidgets with his hand, his breathing getting heavier while his heart proceeded to beat faster. 

He could now hear TJ fumbling with the key from inside before opening the door and Cyrus was left agape. TJ was shirtless, he clutched a white t-shirt tight to his chest, more toned and defined than it was last time Cyrus saw it. His lips were also pinker than usual, like it was newly kissed, bitten even. Cyrus refused to accept the thoughts suggesting what TJ might have just done but TJ’s messed up hair made it hard to deny. 

“Hey Cy, sorry- I just-” Before TJ could finish his sentence though, which he was struggling to form, another set of footsteps followed and…

“Cyrus, my man, what’s up?” The raspy voice came back to him and hit Cyrus in the face while the realization hits him quick and he linked the two and two together. His eyes bounced back from TJ and a shirtless Reed with swollen lips, TJ, Reed, TJ, Reed for what felt like eternity. That’s Reed. That’s TJ. And they’re both a fucking mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this fic seems so messy right now and TJ just seemed like an absolute dick but I swear I will redeem this boy hahahaha, hope you all enjoyed reading it!


	4. Teej is a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ faces the doom of internalised homophobia and Cyrus is pissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, schoolwork has been occupying my free time and so, I couldn't update this as much as I planned to... Sorry this is a shorter chapter, it's kind of a filler chapter. I, again promise, the angst will eventually end...

The shock still washed over him, not dissipating quick enough.. 

“Hey…” Cyrus responded to Reed’s seemingly over-friendly greeting, “I didn’t know you were here.” 

Reed turned to TJ, giving him a questioning look before reverting his gaze back at Cyrus, “Just wanted to say hi to my best man.” He said as he put his v neck t shirt back on, covering the marks on his neck and upper chest area that Cyrus is finding a difficulty of not staring at…

“I have some place to be,” Reed patted Cyrus and TJ respectively, “See you guys.” 

He left so nonchalantly, like he didn’t just expose himself or TJ, - or is he too dumb and oblivious to not realize he just did? - walking so confidently, the confidence Cyrus has always envy yet feared at the same time, he left walking towards the pastel sunset.

“Um, I’m sorry I interrup-“

“No- I.. I completely thoug- forgot you were co-“ TJ was struggling to find the right words, the correct way to tell your ex-best friend that you just had a make out session with someone your said ex-best friend warned you of. But, before messing up completely, he decided against explaining at all.

“You know what, nevermind come in.”

In the ‘old days’ Cyrus would automatically run for TJ’s bedroom, ready to scoundrel his collection of comic books that Cyrus would look through in awe every time. But this time, he knows that times has changed, that he no longer could do that, that it felt wrong to do so. So, he opted for sitting on the big leather couch TJ’s parents bought last christmas instead.

“Sorry sorry sorry,” TJ chanted as he also got dressed while picking up the magazines littered on the floor in the living room. 

“Don’t worry..” 

Awkward silence stood tense between them once again and nothing but the sound of the TV was making it any worse.

Cyrus was so tempted to bring up the topic, but who is he to? He clearly is no longer TJ’s friend, not giving him a reason to tell Cyrus what’s going on. He wanted to question him but didn’t want to make TJ uncomfortable or even worse, what if he got it all wrong this whole time? That they didn’t do it but both had some girls over that left before he arrived hence Reed’s nonchalance. 

TJ sat silent, locking his gaze at the carpet that looked newly stained, of what, Cyrus didn’t want to know… 

Although Cyrus knew he shouldn’t asked, he couldn’t help..

“You should’ve told me he was what you’re too busy doing, haha,” Cyrus laughed at his own comment, trying his best to sound convincingly casual and totally not scared as shit.

TJ didn’t respond directly, his eyes still not wanting to look at Cyrus’.

“We don’t actually- You know- We don’t like each other. He- He was- He broke up with his girlfriend so- He needed it..”

“I won’t tell anyone calm down” Cyrus giggled. 

“No seriously,” TJ stated defensively.

Not believing anything pouring out of TJ’s still swollen mouth, Cyrus reassured him, reluctantly placing his hand on TJ’s back, “You know you can trust me Teej, I’m still your friend.”

“Do you know what friends with benefits are Cyrus? Or are you too naive to get anything?” TJ practically shouted all of a sudden, leaving Cyrus startled, never have seen this side of TJ before. Is TJ still even the TJ Cyrus so badly wants to reconnect with?

“Excuse me?” Cyrus retracted his hand from TJ’s back as if it burnt him.

“You’re so dense Goodman.”

“You have that red head, what, isn’t this cheating?” Cyrus snapped, the anger bursting out of him. TJ has treated him like dipshit, eventually, he ode to snap..

“What the fuck? You stalking me too now?”

“You’re practically eating her face out, even blind Mrs. Rothschild could see that!”

The burns and nasty comments were thrown back and forth across the room so easily now, no one holding back. Cyrus wished for it to be not silent before he came but now all he wanted was that very silence…

“What are you and Reed?” Cyrus instinctively pressed on.

“He looks good. I am in need of feeling something. It’s a mutual beneficial fucking cause Goodman!”

“Oh so you don’t feel good with the red head then?”

”What the hell is your problem?”

“Are you ga-“

“You’re not any better Cyrus, you- you kissed Beck’s ass for God knows how long! Don’t tell me anything!”

“So you are? TJ I’m here for you, TJ I’m sor-“

“I am what Cy? Friends. With. Goddamn. Benefits. Leave it, this is why we stopped being friends. Don’t think we would be ever again.”


	5. Carmen

The bleak, grey clouds painted the skies of the dull town Cyrus wished to get out of. He often wonder why he was born into ‘all this’, why he couldn’t have been born into something greater than this monotonic scene. He feels like no one here can see him as he is, that he will always be seen as the nerdy Jew boy and nothing more. All Cyrus Goodman wants is to be able to reinvent himself, evolve into something better, grander than people’s view of him.

Yesterday was a blur, fragments of moments Cyrus couldn’t arrange in a particular order. All he knew was that he hurt TJ and that he also got hurt. He understood that he probably shouldn’t have been as ‘pushy’, for fuck’s sake, he – out of all people – should’ve known better. 

When he first liked Jonah, he knew how it felt to be lost, completely and utterly scattered. You thought you know everything but then, everything has to come to a halt and one dilemma can completely shatter everything you thought you knew about yourself. If he knew all this, if he knew how much confusion TJ is going through, then why did he cross the boundary anyways? 

He felt the need to apologize and to confront TJ today at school but at the same time, he knows TJ wouldn’t do the same even though he’s partially at fault too. With this in mind, Cyrus slipped out of his mom’s red Beetle and started to make his way to the entrance. He maintained to keep his baggy eyes on the dull concrete so far, out of the mood and energy to interact with anyone. 

The chatters were the same as white noise to him, unimportant and unheard but when the volume of it grew significantly, he automatically raised his head out of curiosity. At first, it was the same ordinary sea of students seemingly merged into one big jumble. Though, it didn’t take long before he spots the “it-gang” – the superior version of the Good Hair Crew – leaning against the Hamilton statue in front of the entrance. 

TJ seems to have his hands tangled in the redhead’s hair as she buried her head into his neck. This would be very ideal if not only for TJ’s awfully uninterested expression. Cyrus’ pace slows down a little as his heart died down a little after looking at the person that just shouted at him a few hours prior. Before he hurts more though, he bolted into the building and to his locker. The sight of TJ and that red-head made him feel the bile riding up his stomach, for once, Cyrus Goodman felt anger, hate.

“Cyyyyyyyrusssss,” Andi appeared behind him with Buffy trailing up behind her.

Cyrus forced a smile in response to this, too tired to give anything more.

“You didn’t join our weekly Good Hair Crew Skype call, which might I add, is obligatory,” Buffy said, emphasizing the last word. 

In reality, Cyrus is in desperate need of talking to someone about this situation but that means he has to explain that TJ kind of just made out with someone, which would be normal if only the   
‘someone’ is not a dude. 

“I fell asleep, I bet you guys didn’t even study for Physics yesterday?” Yeah, subtlety isn’t exactly Cyrus’ area of expertise. “See, it’s getting really hard this time around.” He rambled on out of desperation to have an excuse.

“We actually studied together through Skype!” Andi said rather excited, as if a Skype study session is a newfound discovery she made.   
On the other hand, Buffy sensed the abnormality about Cyrus but after knowing that he is back in contact with TJ, doesn’t bother to care anymore. It’s helpless, she would say. 

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“Yeah, Skype study sessions are everything. Actually, Carmen told me about it, she’s so cool.”

“Carmen?” Cyrus questioned.

”Kinda curly, kinda straight hair? Could pass as a Victoria Secret angel actually. Ring a bell?”

“You mean wavy hair?”

“Redhead Cyrus! Redhead girl, the popular one you know?”

In Cyrus’ head, he has a lot to say about her, how his body just feels like punching her whenever she passes him. How she is so perfect it angers him. How he’s constantly looking in the mirror every day since he saw her with TJ and would want to rid himself… 

But, “Oh,” was the only thing that managed to come out. 

“Yeah and Jonah helped a lot.”

“If by helping, you mean, is the reason to why we didn’t end up studying at all then yeah, I agree.” Buffy suddenly broke out of her silence.

Cyrus let out a fake giggle. Although he is happy for Andi and Jonah’s reunion, he couldn’t help but envy them. All he wants is some stability in his life, even from a young age, his family wasn’t exactly normal or stable… And for the past few months, his identity crisis slash sexuality crisis slash life crisis is worsening just about everything… 

“Look, I really have to go,” He said as the bell rings simultaneously.

“Me toooooo,” Andi shouted as she ran to her class in which Buffy followed without saying anything to Cyrus which Cyrus accepted as reasonable. Heck, even he is mad at himself for being in contact with TJ again…

\---

It was now the dreaded first period of English, so far, TJ is nowhere in sight, – thank God – and so, the lecture continued on with his absence.

Unable to concentrate, he picked up his sharpie and drew doodles on a scrap paper. The marker against the smooth paper calmed him down and the knowledge that on this very paper, he is able to invent and create anything he wants with no limits, mesmerized him. The lines had no purpose, no clarity, they were there just simply to relax Cyrus. 

Soon though, a chair next to him was dragged across the floor and Cyrus knew TJ has came without even having to look up from his paper. The entirety of the lesson, TJ had nothing to say. Nor did Cyrus. It wasn’t tense but it wasn’t comfortable either. They both were waiting for the words that hung on each other’s heads to come out, but no one recovers that easily. Especially when your heart and your ego are the things that were hurt.

The period felt like it dragged on forever, the fidgeting of TJ and his pen, urging Cyrus to just look at him and snatch the pen away. 

“Okay class, bell has rung. Next class everybody, get out,” laughed their teacher. “Don’t forget your projects!”

After building up the courage for the past hour or two of zoning out, Cyrus turned to TJ. Well, mainly for the sake of his grades.

“TJ, when should we star-“ 

Though his attempt was blunt and still had a hint of saltiness, it’s better than TJ’s nothing. TJ didn’t bother to even consider what Cyrus wanted to say and left the classroom, turning a blind eye to the existence of Cyrus. 

Cyrus was disappointed, he could feel himself on the verge of spontaneously combusting even. But, was he surprised? No. Not at all.

He urgently stuffed everything into his backpack, not caring what papers were crushed and folded in the process. Normally, he’s a psycho when it comes to organization, but, with his and TJ’s fight occupying his mind, he couldn’t give two shits. 

It’s just that he has always thought the universe would magically allow them to be friends again, that things would align themselves into how they were… But maybe, that’s just him being naive. Maybe, such idealistic imagination will never be reality. At least it’ll never be his reality… 

Last night, Cyrus could barely sleep, the cost? He’s paying now. His eyes were begging for some rest as he tries his best to keep up right and not fall onto someone and possibly, injure himself. 

To minimize the chances of any injury though, Cyrus quickly bent down to tie the worn out laces of his low-top Converses that he received from - you guessed it - TJ two Christmases ago..

Balancing his weight and body, he slowly stood up, careful not to bump into anybody… But, all of a sudden, he could feel a hand gripping his wrist and pulling it rather aggressively. Cyrus was in shock, what he saw was not the usual depressing hallway with his hedonistic schoolmates but, a view that’s much more confusing. 

It’s nothing. The waves of shock and confusion still washed over him but then, the scent of the soap used to mop the school floors soon hit him and he realized that someone had dragged him - violently - into the closet. 

“What are you doing?” Cyrus practically shouted, actually unsure of who he is talking to but desperate to know why the fuck has he just been dragged into there. 

“I apologize. It’s just, this is where I feel safe talking to you about.. Yesterday.” 

Cyrus’ eyes have adjusted to the darkness by now, and of course, it’s Kippen himself. The ‘yesterday’ basically confirmed all his suspicions. 

“You could’ve apologized in class… I would’ve preferred that than your headassery just now…”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“You also know you can’t keep using that red head.”

“Can you stop? Do I look like a criticism box to you? What me and Karen do is none of your busi-…”

“Her name is Carmen, TJ. Carmen.”

“No one can know. I dragged you here because no one’s listening here. No one can see me like this- I- I can’t even think straight, I don’t even know so, no one can know”

“Good to know. Now can you please let go of my hand? It’s a tad bit sweaty…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I found writing this one pretty fun actually haha... And yes, that was totally a really cheesy and obvious metaphor about ‘being in the closet’, please bare with me.


End file.
